Heart of the Spriggan
by shadowninja2000
Summary: I love you, and I loved you. But you are gone now. It is in my best interest to move on. But the curse remains wrapped around me, tying me to you and you to me. It is the way things are in this era. Perhaps it is time to end an era.


**Hello there~ I'm Ninja, nice to meet ya *bows***

 **This is just a silly, stupid thing that springs from some Zervis feels I got re-reading the manga. So, manga spoilers ahead. Basically the whole thing is a manga spoiler past chapter 444.**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading! Drop me a review at the end if ya liked it!**

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 _'Zeref...'_

My woman.

 _'ZEREF!'_

My brother.

 _'Zeref? Zeref. Zeref!'_

And everyone in between.

I've never truly cared much for the people around me. I suppose that makes me fairly selfish, and I understand that, but in my own defense, I've always tended to be a bit too busy to care all that much.

I've always seemed to care about everything surrounding me. Nothing escapes my notice. I see everything, all the pain, all the suffering, and it breaks my heart. Sometimes, I just want to rip my heart out of my chest and rip it to pieces. That might stop the pain.

Wait...that's a contradiction. Everything in my head runs around each other, chasing and being chased in equal measure. Nothing seems to be solid, uncontested.

Everything is wicked. That is uncontested. The only thing that is uncontested in my mind, in my soul- if I do still have one, but I always assume the best- in my heart, my life.

But in the quiet moments, when I'm laying in a dead field, staring up at the sky, my mind wanders back.

 _"Z...Z...Zewef!"_

 _"No, no...Zeref. I'm your big brother." Those big eyes, full of love and intelligence, make my heart beat fast. You don't know me, you don't know my name, but you love me. You're trying. And you've succeeded in capturing me. You have me in the palm of your tiny hands, little brother. You have the stunning pink hair of our father, the bright eyes of our mother, and a feistiness that is all your own. It shall serve you well._

 _"Zewef!" You reach up, grab onto my finger. Your hands are so very warm. My hands have always been cold. I sigh as I look down at you, little Natsu, and I know you will do well. I know you will survive this world you've been introduced to. I know it, I just know it. But..._

 _I press my face to the glass. It's cold. I wonder if you feel the cold. You always used to love the warm, gravitating towards the fire our parents made at night, cuddling close between them. You were so warm, little Natsu. Do you feel cold now, little brother? Is your big, warm heart sad and cold without me, little brother? Your eyes are closed, but that pink hair still waves, floats with the slight, slight current of the plasma surrounding your lifeless body. It moves drastically sometimes, when I_

 _"DAMMIT!" I pound the glass, furious that my research has dead-ended again. The container rocks and my mind blanks, eyes flying wide. I scramble to grab ahold, righting the container. It isn't very big, and neither are you. So I haul it back up, thanking even the god that's cursed me that I haven't yet lost you to a fit of rage, as seem to keep happening._

 _I sigh, a few drops of water rolling down my face as I press my face to the glass. I close my eyes, rubbing my forehead against the glass, cold to my feverish temper, inside and out. The feel slowly infiltrates my head, making its way down my body until I am frozen to the spot. I open my eyes once more and I look into your closed eyelids. Sometimes I could swear I see them flicker._

 _"You...You are my only hope," I whisper to you. It doesn't matter, you can't hear me. But still I whisper, and I wake up in the morning slumped beside the pillar, and as I leave, you are smiling._

 _And I've finally done it. I've finally revived you. I am older now, and I watch you toddle around our house, picking things up and putting them in your mouth. I flail after you, trying to keep you from any harm. I have gotten you back once, Natsu, and I cannot lose you again. I pick you up, swing you around, and set you on my hip._

 _"We have work to do, Natsu," I say, teasing your chin with my free hand. It's the first time I've smiled in a while. You coo at me, wiggling around on my hip._

 _"Nassu," you try. I shake my head. "Nassu! Nassu!" Tears fill your eyes, tears of frustration._

 _"Natsu, don't cry," I soothe, bouncing you a little. You pout out your lower lip, sniffling. My heart melts for you. "That is, Etherious Natsu Dragneel." You look at me despondently, as though you will never learn how to speak. I have to harden my heart. You'll die if I don't harden my heart against you. I've never liked children. You are a means to an end. I smile. "E.N.D."_

 _"E. N. D!"_

You were not wicked. You were pure. You had my heart in your hand, and you squeezed painfully when you went with Igneel. I trusted, I had faith. But it had hurt me quite a bit. And when I was hurting, everyone around me began to hurt, too. People began dying left and right, so I ran, far away. And I fell asleep, waiting for you to find me.

And I think that's where I am now. I'm still waiting for you to find me. I sit here, surrounded by my pawns, my little pieces in my game, and all I can do is miss you. Everything is wicked, I say each day. And my pawns agree with me, that everything is wicked. And I hate them for it. I hate them for agreeing with me, the most wicked of all. I hate them for loving me and my leadership. I hate them for being so subdued, and so happy. I hate them, I hate them all, I _loathe_ them.

So alive they stay, far away from my curse of contradiction.

I lock myself in my palace, refuse to come out. I realize I'm acting childish, but I can't help it. I don't want to help it. Someone else can run the country. But no one can. That is, no one can like I can; seeing objectively, making the best choices for the most people. It is in my nature to care about those around me. And I suppose, in some narrow definition of the word, I do care about my subjects. I flinch as I think about it. I don't care. I don't care at all. I need them well so I can wage war.

I grind my teeth together. I _need her_.

 _"I'm so sorry! I didn't know there was anyone else here!"_

I sit, secluded, in my throne room, staring out the window. It's bright and beautiful outside. But the Sun is dust in the wake of your glow, the fading light of day rubbish compared to your beauty. The largest supernova is naught compared to your brilliance, even my own intellect dull and shrivelled before your excellent mind. The way you picked up magic, so very quickly, so recklessly. You are stunning, in every single sense of the word. You caught me off guard and I toppled and tripped my way clumsily into loving you. I cursed myself for loving you. Maybe if I hadn't loved you, you would be here, at my side, my empress.

But I know it isn't true. You were too attached to your guild. You left them, desperate to die so they would live. And how I loved you for it. Not an inch or particle of me was anything but love for you once you told me. My head spun completely off-kilter, dreaming up scenarios of you and I. How I loved you, so desperately and completely, so wholly. It filled me up for the first time since Natsu. For the first time since my little brother, I _loved_.

And now, I miss you, dear. I miss you like a fish misses water. Like a wingless Exceed. Like a parentless child. Like a Masterless guild. Like a soldierless country. Darling, I miss you more than you could ever believe. More than you could ever know. I know few things any more. It seems like the more time I'm here, the less I learn, the less I know for sure. It's the curse, the curse of contradiction.

But if I know one thing, it is love. I am the master of magic, and all magic springs from love. I love you, both of you. My woman and my brother.

"It is time for the end of an era," I say, stepping out of the door. August startles himself awake, looking up at me from where he'd sat on the floor.

"The end of an era?" he echos hollowly. I nod, setting my eyes on the horizon. I walk out to the balcony which oversees my country, but I look beyond it. The shifting, changing colors of the ocean caused by the setting Sun. They remind me of you. Not that they could ever compare to you, my gorgeous Mavis.

"Soon, we will be engulfed in darkness." I grip the edge of the balcony. "I want Fairy Heart. I _need_ Fairy Heart. To defeat Acnologia." _And to assuage my loneliness_. I whirl around, looking at August. "We will go get her."

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 **Okay, that's it for me! Thanks for reading! Like it? Drop me a review down below! Hate it? Send me some suggestions! Either way, I love on every review sent my way.**

 **~Ninja**


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